Does this picture make me look fat?

Well here's one for the "Are you f---ing kidding me" file.

At a recent City Council meeting, our elected officials demonstrated how focused they are on issues that really have an impact on the residents of the City of Jackson.  Maintaining a disciplined approach to improving our decaying City, our elected officials don't waste time getting sidetracked by frivolous issues such as crime, broken sewers and raggedy streets.  No, they concentrate on more pressing and critical issues, such as why Frank Melton's portrait is not up at City Hall, and how it hurts Harvey Johnson's feelings that his own picture from his first term isn't up either.

According to the Clarion-Ledger, City Council President Frank Bluntson asked Mayor Harvey Johnson, Jr. about Melton's portrait at a recent City Council meeting.  Apparently, this isn't the first time Mr. Bluntson has addressed the issue with the Mayor.

We'd like to report that Mayor Johnson quickly put Mr. Bluntson in his place, telling the old man "With all the problems we have in the City of Jackson and you come at me with this bulls&!t? That's a disgrace!"

That's what we would like to report.  Unfortunately we can't, as King Harvey instead took the opportunity to let everyone know that he is still heavily intoxicated by his own Mayoral Majesty.  King Harvey explained that Melton's picture wasn't going up because King Harvey's portrait from his first term (just prior to Melton) hadn't been erected yet.  His Mayoral Highness decreed that Melton's picture would be placed on the wall, but not until King Harvey's own monument to Himself was placed there (Melton's portrait will be followed by yet another portrait of King Harvey commemorating the current term).

Just when Jackson residents start looking around wondering if Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out and inform them that they've been punk'd, it gets even better.  King Harvey further told the Council that he and his staff have been working diligently to correct the injustice known as Portraitgate.  His Majesty said the reason the portraits were not up yet was because

he and city officials have been trying to decide on the right picture and frame for a portrait of himself from his last stint in office.


"As soon as we get the framing switched out and hang my portrait, we'll probably get them both up at the same time."

Yep.  The passage of time has done nothing to reduce the size of the massive chips that adorn King Harvey's non-profit shoulders.  The Mayor's pettiness in refusing to place Melton's portrait until his own is placed reveals the childish and petty nature of King Harvey's personality.  His sensitive little feelings were bruised because the Council did not vote to erect his portrait after he left office (probably because they were trying to forget it).  Now that he's back for another ride on the taxpayer gravy train, King Harvey will correct this slight to his massive ego.

Pettiness aside, is King Harvey so vain and impressed with himself that he must waste the time of city officials to choose the perfect picture to memorialize his first term in office?  Is King Harvey's ego really that big?

There are major problems in the City of Jackson, yet this arrogant, self-absorbed, Pride-Ridin' bureaucrat is pissing away time trying to figure out which portrait and frame make him look less full of shit.  Let us save you some time, Mr. Mayor.  You look that way in all of them, so just pick one.

To help Mayor Johnson expedite the portrait selection process, the DJT suggests the following portrait for both terms, as it so accurately captures the essence of the Johnson Administrations: